Do you ever stop wandering about in circles, trying not to prevent yourself from repeating the same mistakes as you have done in the past?
I have decided to leave one of the main media social platforms recently, Instagram. I found myself one day getting on the bus in the morning and everyone had their heads down, holding onto their phones, scrolling, calling, texting, writing. Where are the interactions? where is the conversation?
Don’t get me wrong I like my solitude on public transport as much as the next person but why have we as a whole, become a society that is based around who is following you or liking your posts? I joined Instagram and facebook convincing myself that I needed to be kept in the loop with what all the people in my life are doing, and it’s great to see the motivators and positive influencers, but what about all of the negative memes, comments, tags and so on? I have come to find it destructive and disruptive to my life.
I have a friend I don’t see as much or talk to as much as I used to but they had said something that stuck with me and that has been playing in my head for some time now “You don’t need to convince me, you need to convince yourself, that you want to want it, want to achieve it’ so pretty much if I want something bad enough then I will find a way to make it happen. and it is true, and this adds to the conversation I had with my flatmate earlier today. I by nature will at the end of the day do what I want. You could do your best to convince me to think or do otherwise and see reason but once my mind is made up then that is it. The study, Work, Private life, living situations, and the list can go on.
So I decided to give up Instagram. Not facebook as I have family and friends spread out all over this world, is the easiest way to keep in contact, but who knows maybe this is my next step?
You see, in using social media I have found that people use it for one of two things ( being very broad categories)
- To seek Approval
- To seek attention ( this can be good or bad)
But why do we need to seek approval? Why do we need to seek attention?
I used it to seek approval, to use it as motivation to get stronger, to get fitter, to eat healthier, etc but I wound up becoming fixated on my appearance. I don’t like the way I look half the time, I don’t like the way I talk, the way I think, and definitely not the way I react in certain situations.
1 month free of Instagram and I am slowly trying to strip away this negativity that I have built up around me, choosing to focus on the aspect of my life that are truly important, Relationships, Education, Fitness, Employment. And boy oh boy is it hard to balance.
Half of the time I feel like just packing my bags and running away to another country. There is something that a few people know as I do talk about this at times, I don’t feel like I have an actual place I belong. Cliche’ i know But it is true, I always try and identify myself as South African, but I hold Nz citizenship so technically I should honor that and call NZ home except I ran away to Australia. where I have been, fighting every week to get out of limbo, every week to get ahead, every week to convince myself that I’m still in my twenties there is plenty of time. but what if there isn’t?
What then? Would I or you be content with where you are at in your current life?
I would be content but I sure do feel like fleeing more weeks than some. This is yet another reason why I write. to get this out, to free up my conscious and clear my thoughts, it may not make sense at times, but it does to me.
Current feeling; Shifting. Unsettled. Everything is moving and everything is changing again, there will be a big shift within this next month or two. I just hope with all of my heart that it will be for better and not for the worst.